The Incider
Issue 18
'The most funniest website I think I've seen on the Internet'
October 2004

In this, our Farewell Issue, we have been inundated with letters of superb quality. Thank you all so much for taking the time and effort to write in and making this page such a superb read for everyone.

Dear Incider,

Obituary for the Incider

So, the legend that is the Incider is coming to an end. I think that
we have to say first that, on behalf of many a fan, we have to thank
the crew for many laughs over the past few seasons. The jokes were
great, the articles insightful. None more so for me then the story
about the shock of the coach leaving Ashton Gate and the training
ground report.

Alas, soon they will be but memories that will fade with time.

But that is not a reason to mourn the passing of The Incider fanzine.
To me, there are many things to celebrate and be thankful for.

Firstly, it has shown the humour and humility that exists in many City
fans. Despite what others may say about us, we do not automatically
think we are a big club; we just yearn to be one day. With this
knowledge we are able to poke fun at ourselves as well as others.

Secondly, it has been a force that has seen the club review the stock
it sells in the Club Shop. This alone shows that despite what some
fans may say or think, the board is willing to listen and learn from
their most important of stakeholders – us. It may take some time, it
may take some prodding, but eventually we can make our voices heard.
This is especially easier now that we have the internet to bring a
broad spectrum of fans together and unite their voices.

The third point that I think we have reason to be cheerful for is the
most important. The Incider has shown what every fanzine and fan club
has ever shown – that through the subject matter (in this case Bristol
City) there is something that more then several people like. That they
are willing to unite together and entertain the wider mass that enjoys
something – in this case heading to a football ground every week to
watch eleven people in red play in their name. Men who can make us
smile and sing, or downbeat and despondent.

Players come and go. Maybe so do even fanzines. But the fans and the
people who unite together are constant. Let's remember that whilst
this fanzine dies, three dedicated fans still support our beloved
football club.

And that is something to be very thankful for.

On that note, may I once again thank Tom, Huw and Brian for making me
laugh many a time over the past few years. And if I see you down the
Gate in the future, I'll owe you a drink. And if you don't believe me,
you can print off and carry this rambling of a Bristol City fan (aged
twenty and three quarters) around with you as proof when we next meet.

All the best,
Rob W
(The Man In Black)

Dear Incider,
I certainly hope he has nothing to do with the club whatsoever. Let him buy a season ticket but that's it.                     
We all want Premiership football, but David Russe said it will happen in five years from him taking over, where is he now?             
I think by Christmas we'll all be saying, "Remember that Maguire bloke !!"
One question, if he manages to get financial backing from Venture Capital and Private Banks and it all goes wrong, will they want their money back?

He dodged the answer to the question, ‘Will you ensure the investors are willing to take the hit rather than stripping the club's assets?'.                             
I also want to get out of "this crappy division" but I also want a football club to support and if he proceeds, I feel this may disappear.  


Mitch Ford
(AKA Madmax)

Dear Incider,

Great interview! Good to have detailed confirmation that Mr. Maguire
really is a naive, inexperienced and utterly self infatuated waster.

Most disgracefully, he clearly appears to have no moral standpoint, no
understanding from which to justifiably criticise the existing board.

He's just a chancer who will do this club a lot of damage. Even the god
awful Reform Group presented their ideas (however ludicrous) better.

Can someone please explain why ANY City fan would read that interview
and think the bloke had the first idea or passion for City.

He's talking rubbish. He hasn't been to a match since last season. And
yet he talks of a result at Bradford making his blood boil.

He asks just what is going on at the gate. I guess he really doesn't
know. But he makes it sound like we are a club in turmoil.

He then degenerates into a series of acidic comments and insults for
the interviewer, who I assume has seen more matches than Mr. Maguire.

For a potential chairman to ridicule our lot in this division and
invite an interviewer to go watch Rovers says enough about this cretin.

As for 'hard to perform any worse than the current board' well just as
a fellow human being I'd like to apologize to Steve L for that rubbish.

And for this business brain to question whether the club has any assets
just about sums up his feeble and pathetic understanding of our club.

He also wants a 70,000 stadium which is almost going down the route of
that lunatic at Luton , how about a Formula One track too. A spaceship?

He then rattles on about Brown being one of our 4 key young players. Oh
dear oh dear oh dear. Need we go any further. Taxi for Mr. Maguire.

He's already shot himself spectacularly in the foot before he asks us
to believe him when he says the current board want to sell players.

Funny remark after yet another signing has been brought in to further
strenghten already the most expensively assembled squad in League One.

He'd lost me completely by the time he mentioned completing a marketing
review for the club for free - was that the Gatepost questionnaire?

And what on earth is pip-pip? Some quaint English phrase? I make not
know them all but I do know one which is appropriate. "On yer bike!"

Quite frankly I'd sooner have George W Bush and a troop of performing
chimpanzees in charge of City than I would let Maguire anywhere near

What amazes me is a grown man who can't even manage an intelligent or
constructive proposal is actually given a platform by the Evening Post.

I might see if they fancy putting me on the front page as I'm pretty
sure I can offer commercial space flight in 3 years using chewing gum.

Rob F

Dear Incider,

Well, he sounds like an utter twat.  £40,000 a week for wages for homegrown players?  Why?  They are already on contract!  And which Brown is he talking about?  Ah I see, he hasn't seen a game since the Millennium Stadium so probably doesn't know Aaron has left! 

I don't like his confrontational manner as well, that 80's style yuppie speak is all a bit passé now, and doesn't impress anyone.

No money for players?  Does he think a few loans will make us Premiership quality? Apart from perhaps Coles and Wilkshire, I think we'd need to replace the entire squad to have any chance of survival, and even those two would be mediocre at best in that league.  Perhaps by 3/4 years time Fortune and Lita will be good enough too but, there would be no guarantee of that.

So to summarise, he wants to come in, spend £30 million on the club (ground and facilities), massively increase the wages of the players who are already here and bring in a few has-beens on loan with dollar signs in their eyes, and we are supposed to thank him?  Or is he bitter that we released his son and trying to ruin us?

Thank god Steve Lansdown is a sensible chap - I hope he sends Maguire packing.

Matt O'Brien

Dear Incider,

Well congratulations to you all !!!

I'm sure I'm not the only one you have 'caught', the Club and Evening Post etc. also seem to have fallen for it too. You have really excelled yourselves this time. I usually find 'The Incider' funny but this is the best laugh I've had for ages, really cheered me up, you're going to be missed!!!

Just one thing, who 'played' the part of Maguire , was it RedTop as he's been very quiet lately? He must have struggled dumbing down the answers, or was it Tom taking the blame as usual???

Thanks again for the article, brilliant!


RedM  (Mary)

Dear Incider,

Living in Wigan I am aware that the name "Maguire" signifies a long established family company of funeral directors, so when I heard that Maguire was interested in Bristol City I thought, quite naturally, that this was to do with the removal of a corpse, or at least the disposal of dead wood among the playing staff.

Having read Maguire's interview with the Incider, I am convinced that he is not seeking to provide a dignified disposal of a body but is taking the PISS out of loyal fans. I cannot see how he has the interests of Bristol City Football Club, its players, staff and supporters at heart, but instead appears to be seeking little more than self-publicity. 

I hope that fans do not see him as a "saviour figure", I would be deeply distressed if he has any influence over the club, and hope that any moves for a takeover are resisted strongly by the present board.

Kevin Crinks.

Dear Incider,

Thanks for the interview with Mr Maguire. Now I know what a twat he is.

Anyone who had the slightest idea about football clubs would realise that Mr Lansdown and co. are doing an excellent job, and that it's not their fault we narrowly missed out on promotion these last two seasons. Maguire says that nobody could possibly do any worse than them - somebody should tell him about 1982 and how that came about.

He says "what assets?". Well doesn't he realise BCFC owns the ground, and that many clubs who own their grounds attract board members who are only really after a bit of asset stripping (eg Hammam at Wimbledon, and currently the Wrexham chairman is trying to do the same thing which would mean them ending up playing their home games in the wrong country!).

Even if he does attract £30m from investors, his arrogant, ignorant approach would be more likely to destroy the club than deliver premiership football. Bilge, he even called one of the Incider's questions nonsense, which shows how much respect he has for his fellow City fans (if he really is one!).

To top it all, he actually believes that Plymuff fans will abandon their club and make a 250 mile round trip to watch City in the top flight. Just like they didn't in the 70s, eh?

Please Mr Lansdown tell him where to stick his stupid so-called business plan. Football already has too many idiots ruining the game, we don't need one of our very own.

But thanks again Incider!


Dear Incider,

Lads, Lads ……

It's been bad enough trying to retain some semblance of optimism as a dedicated Bristol City supporter since that dismal day in May in Cardiff (which I chose to miss due to a very accurate premonition from Mystic Meg), and I have lurched through the close season explosions of sackings, new appointments, players coming and going, and have survived the first two months of a new campaign which, sadly, is proving that the Team has taken a backward step.  As if this isn't bad enough my computer screen now advises me in a message from Tomarse that we can look forward to ‘The Farewell Issue' of The Incider.  It's akin to what has become an old friend on the terraces at Ashton telling me that he has had enough and is decamping to the Memorial Stadium. I am now fearing the worst from Issue 18 and a deepening sense of doom and gloom is growing to add to the thoughts of those cold, wet winter months watching more points being squandered in the mud and slush.

I felt I had to let things settle for a couple of months after the events of the summer but unfortunately my initial reactions have not changed.  Any change is usually disruptive and unfortunately the major managerial alterations and player comings and goings have resulted in confusion.  The pressure for immediate success from supporters and the Press can only add to the general chaos.  I have every sympathy for Brian Tinnion, who was dealt an extremely fast ball by Steven Lansdown, and perhaps under the circumstances he has not done too badly.  However I feel that Danny Wilson and Frank Barlow were not a bad management team and had done pretty well on a fairly tight budget imposed by the Board. OK there were good and not so good buys, but even Manchester United are guilt of that!!  Equally, the Board have done their best to provide some cash when it was needed.  I reckon that it was worth giving DW one more season to achieve promotion.

Nevertheless, here we are with a team showing some major changes and they will take time settling and blending.  Meanwhile there is a fairly average (but settled)  team such as Luton pulling away fast at the top of the table and you think …………if only.

As for Mr. Maguire.  Your interview and very pointed questions are just what was needed.    We have seen it all before and the last thing that Ashton Gate needs right now is another Boardroom battle.  Whilst he may pretend it is about Team Bristol City it is really a personal ego trip.  The man admits that the last match he attended was at Cardiff.   I was privileged to be a supporter during the ups and downs of the run-in to a ‘real' promotion in 1976.   Those days are long done and the face of Football has changed forever. It is now about big fish and little minnows, the ‘haves' and the ‘have nots'   The Premiership is about really BIG money and before long it must see another metamorphosis into a European Super League which will fragment the English Leagues still further.  Yes, Bristol City, by virtue of its excellent loyal support, catchment and potential are well worthy of a place in the upper reaches of any English league but I, together with many other genuine supporters, must realistically accept that there just is not the real money to fund a South West team in a Premier League …..and stay there.   £30M is chicken feed Mr Maguire.  Just look at the annual accounts of  the Premiership clubs.  I would be quite happy to see a settled City team performing well in ‘The Championship', bringing some more attractive competition to the Gate, nurturing local playing talent but, all importantly, keeping a sensible reign on the Club finances and staying solvent.

If this is to be goodbye, my thanks to the three of you for giving so much of your time in preparing what has been an excellently produced, witty and informed bloody good read !!!    Success in your futures.

Richard James

Ageing Nailsea Red

Dear Incider,

Steve Lansdown and Brian Tinnion have quite rightly said that the aim for this season is promotion.  But with so many changes over the summer its quite possible that we won't achieve this.  And if that's the case I want to see the board stick with Tinman and give him the opportunity to experiment.  And here's why….  

We've had two great crops of home grown talent in recent years, first there was Phillips, Hill, the Browns, Carey, Doherty and Hewlett.  Then came the next batch - Coles, Rosenior, Woodman, Lita, Burnell, Fortune and Amankwaah.  Far sighted-managers have seen the sense in giving these players a proper run in the first team and we've reaped the benefits (well, in most cases anyway !).  Now, we have a new batch just starting to emerge (Harley, Hawkins, Anyinsah, Brown, Skuse and Cotterill) and if they're going to get the chance to flourish, they need to be introduced into proper first-team action.  So IF it becomes obvious that we're going to miss out on promotion this year I'd our new manager to give them a proper chance and the board give him the freedom to do it.  Many of the old-guard left over the summer (Carey, the Browns, Burnell) and they need to be replaced from within.  This new batch could be the best yet, and first-team players for years to come.  It would be a real shame if they all disappear into the lower leagues never to be seen again.

Of course I'd rather see us promoted, but lets not get carried away with bringing in players from other clubs in our desperation to get results.


Dear Incider,

I see that Mr Maguire feels “There's no need to go mad”.

Too late, Mr M. Too late.

Best wishes

David Lloyd

Dear Incider,

One could say that writing and producing a regular article about football is quite a challenge; something one may want to fully achieve and do well but that may not always be the case. Here at The Incider we have been brought consistent, outstandingly comical articles of a high quality which I'm sure has given every reader a better insight into the different parts of our club. Football is becoming by the day, ever more technical with all these new tactics emerging from the changing rooms. It sometimes makes us wonder how deep we can actually delve when discussing and evaluating such tactics and if the perfect combination of 1966 will ever be achieved and relived again!

A Premiership fan once said to me that I was wasting my time supporting such a dismal club and team. I simply replied saying you can keep on supporting your high flying unbeaten team, but surely things must get very repetitive and predictable. I pointed out that being a Bristol City fan was an honour, a great privilege, something to be proud of, something to look forward to on a Saturday afternoon, something which can and will only improve with time.

Some people may say being in League One itself is an achievement, whilst others may say it's pointless. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that we all love to win and be champions, but being in League One means we as a club can have a much more interesting approach to football and without tempting fate have such more exciting, gripping games and memories. We've had our fair share of ups and downs over the years, and I admit we can all get frustrated at times because we know and feel we deserve to be playing at a higher level. Fortunately for us we know we can make this happen and our goals of promotion are achievable. For instance when you take last season's play-off semi-final at the gate - passionate, exciting, gripping football!!!

Well as they say all good things come to an end. It's been a great site guys over the years and I'll look forward to maybe (hopefully!) reading some more of your work in a future match-day programme. Note: I will still continue to wear my t-shirt with pride!!



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