The Incider
Issue 18
'The most funniest website I think I've seen on the Internet'
October 2004

Incider Player Questionnaire

The Big Result

From the title of this article, you were probably expecting to read the results of the Incider Questionnaire, which was handed out to the players as they boarded the bus to Valley Parade, Bradford. To be fair, we were expecting this article to contain that information too…

Having compiled a list of fifteen questions from fans' contributions on the Bristol City forum, we printed off twenty copies and handed them to Brian Tinnion, so that they could be distributed amongst the players during the journey.

The handover of the documents went well and a follow-up phone call confirmed that the players had been given the questionnaires. So, we sat back and excitedly speculated over the answers the players would give.

At this point, you may be interested to know what the questions were:

  • Which player would you least like to play against and why?
  • Who's the one player you'd least like to share a hotel room with and why?
  • Which team did you support when you were growing up?
  • In a Hollywood adaptation of City's season, which film star do you think should play you?
  • Who is the best player you have played alongside in your time at City?
  • If you weren't a footballer, what job would you be doing instead?
  • How much money do you have on you right now?
  • Do you have anything to confess to a team-mate? If so, what and to who?
  • Now that Lee Peacock has left, who is the worst dresser at the club?
  • Does it improve your performance when there are home fans in the East End ?
  • Do you read the Bristol City Fans' Forum?
  • Who do you sit next to on the team bus, travelling to away games?
  • Other than City, which team's result is the first you look for?
  • Which player has short arms and deep pockets when it's time to buy a round?
  • Have you ever read or heard of ‘The Incider' website?

Quite good, weren't they? And the answers would have been both interesting and revealing, would they not? Well, we thought so, and we are still sure that they would have been…. had we ever seen sight or sound of a single bloody response since.

It now appears that the questionnaires have mysteriously been ‘lost'. So, in the absence of any actual answers, or any clear idea of what the hell happened to our questionnaires, we've conducted our own investigation into what happened and have uncovered the following revelations as to exactly what became of our document:

Steve Phillips – Got too far under the questionnaire as it was handed to him and then dropped it.

Jamie Smith – Arrived late and gave away his pen needlessly.

Tony Butler – Dropped his behind him and by the time he turned round it was long gone.

Danny Coles – Spilt beer all over it.

Matt Hill – Row T Block C of the Dolman Stand.

Scott Murray – Tried Reading but folded instead.

Tommy Doherty – Rolled it up and smoked it.

Brian Tinnion – Fiddled with the line up of questions and couldn't decide which order to answer them in.

Luke Wilkshire – Filled it in upside down.

Christian Roberts – After being given it, refused to return it, despite other players screaming for him to hand it back.

Leroy Lita – Hung about at the front of the bus and claimed them all as his own.

Lee Miller – Didn't get a proper chance to fill his in.

Stephen Gillespie – Nicked it.

Bradley Orr – See Stephen Gillespie.

Mickey Bell – Put his back out picking his pen up.

The mystery of what happened to our questionnaires may never truly be solved, but we'll leave the last word on the matter to manager Brian Tinnion and his assistant, Keith Millen.

BT: “Milly's got them”

KM: “No I haven't, you had them last.”

We'll leave it with you, fellas.


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