The Jamie Smith Tacklemaster
It may be the final Incider, but that doesn't mean we've forgotten how you, the great Bristol City supporting public, love a good bargain. And, once again, we've come up with a great offer, exclusive to our readers – The Jamie Smith Tacklemaster.
Yes, with our exclusive Tacklemaster, endorsed by the psychotic lunatic himself, you too can learn how to tackle like a wreckless imbecile in just a few short weeks.
The Tacklemaster comprise a silhouetted figure of a footballer and is printed on durable, stud-proof polyurethane . The silhouette is marked with a number of targets, each one being marked with a score, depending on how highly Jamie rates the position of your flying boot when it makes contact.
The silhouetted footballer is printed to represent the image of a winger flying down the pitch, ball at feet. And it's your job to ‘do a Jamie' and deposit your studs into the silhouette's face, torso, testicles, knees or shins, in an attempt to stop him in his tracks. But mind that ball! You'll lose marks if you accidentally make contact with that incidental leather sphere.
The Tacklemaster can be regularly suspended (see what we've done there?) from a washing line using the reinforced hoops in each corner and comes complete with the essential accompanying book ‘The Art Of The Astonished Face And Outstretched Arms' by J. Smith.
This is a limited offer, so don't miss it (although, if you do, you can always hack it down from behind later).
To secure yours, simply send us a lucrative year-long Bristol City contract and regret it at your leisure, as your Tacklemaster sits on a bench as a constant reminder of how you spent your money on an expensive luxury that left you disappointed.
If you're a stupid idiot who acts hastily, then send us your money now. You'll probably regret your actions for a while, before doing the same thing again.
Make your cheques payable to: Jamie's A Crunching King And Smart Stopper. We won't let you down, unlike Jamie.