Cast your minds back to the dim and distant past – or Issue Eight as we like to call it.
We offered you another chance to win a coveted Incider T-shirt purely by demonstrating that you could count by telling us the correct number of times we mentioned Christian Roberts’ in our special “Y’know” edition. The results were, to say the least, disturbing. In fact the number of readers who appeared able to count was so low that we had to double-check we had not inadvertently changed our web address to www.cardiffcityfc.com.

However, we have a winner who will now be able to walk proudly to the Millennium Stadium in a T-shirt so valuable that he’ll need his own police escort to stop jealous fans ripping it from his back. So when you see the columns of riot cops with their visors down and shields up ready for combat, don’t make the mistake of thinking the Soul Crew have turned up to wreck our day out. It will simply be Her Majesty’s finest ensuring that Matt Oldfield (for it is he) will arrive safely sporting the fine white Incider T-shirt in top quality cotton. Or he might wear his City shirt, I guess.

Yes, Matt was actually bored enough at some point in the past two months to spend time counting the number of “y’know”s “on every bloody page” as he put it in his email. The result of his mission was to conclude that the total was 65. Frankly, given that the correct total was 79 it just shows how poorly the rest of you can count. But for his time and trouble, we will be sending Matt the clothing item to cherished that supermodels refuse to wear it for fear of not being able to do it justice.

The Issue Eight “y’know” total included a stunning 48 contributions from the man himself in our exclusive interview, each lovingly transcribed from the tape in all their glory. Considering Christian only uttered 805 words in the entire conversation, it means that roughly every 17th word was “y’know” – a stunning achievement for a player supposedly struggling for form.

For the anally retentive among you who wish to know how we arrived at our total, it includes one sneakily hidden away in the disclaimer/privacy policy page which we assume no-one actually bothers to read. We also included the flashing “Y’know Special” badge in the top right hand corner once. But the figure doesn’t include one which we accidentally spelt “k’now” and failed to spot before publication. Thanks to the reader who was kind enough to point out our…er…intentional mistake.

Thanks also to the several readers who smugly pointed out that the easiest way to cheat was to copy and paste each page into Microsoft Word and then do a word search for “y’know”. We assume the smiles have been wiped off your faces as the realisation dawns that even with this assistance, you still actually somehow failed to submit a total closer than Matt’s.

Apologies to those of you among previous winners whose Incider T-shirts have been delayed. This has in no way been down to any slacking on our part in getting a new lot printed when our first supply ran out. It was, in fact, due to us having to mortgage our houses to pay for Securicor transport to ferry these precious items direct to your doors. We will endeavour to get them all to you in time for the LDV Vans Trophy Final, so please email us with you address if you are still waiting.

Those of you going green with envy through your lack of an Incider T-shirt, fear not. There is still one more opportunity to win one before the final. This month, it will be awarded to the reader who sends in the best contribution – a letter, article, photo or cartoon. It’s YOUR fanzine and we rely on you to help us make The Incider fun to read (let’s face it, it’s crap when we do it ourselves)! So if you enjoy reading it, please help us out by submitting a contribution. You could win an Incider T-shirt and suddenly become popular with attractive women overnight (or hunky men if you’re one of our legions of female readers).

Just send your letters to letters@theincider.com and other contribuitions to editor@theincider.com. It’s hardly rocket science, so there’s no excuse! Get writing.