How To Get To Ninian Park

Further to the wonderfully warm reception Bristol City received at Ninian Park last season, The Incider is proud to present an indispensible guide to Cardiff City’s ramshackle ground. From maps and directions through to advice on blending in to foreign surroundings, we hope this is a tool that will minimise both your time in Cardiff and your need to interact with cross-eyed locals.

Leave the M4 at Junction 33, and travel along the A4232 for approximately six miles. It would be advisable for one of your passengers to ensure all team colours are secured away from view at this stage to assist with a trouble-free journey.

Leave the A4232 at a roundabout signposted ‘Barry’, or as the Welsh call it ‘Barry’. Continue along this road with yourself and all passengers slumped down in their seats, with your heads barely visible above the dashboard. This should avoid any direct facial injuries caused by the arrival of a ‘Cardiff Cocktail’ through one of your windows.

The Welsh are a generous and lyrical people, and this is immediately evident on pulling into Leckwith Road where you will be met by a male voice choir singing “You’re Gonna Get Your F**king Heads Kicked In”, whilst pelting you with a quantity of small change.

On parking, we advise you lock your car securely and then smash a couple of your car windows. At best, this will give your vehicle that authentic Cardiff appearance, and at worst it will save a group of locals from doing it for you while you’re at the game.

Once out of your vehicle there is clearly a need to blend in, if you are to make it to the ground in one piece. With an eye to this, we recommend that men are seen openly French kissing and fondling their cousins in the car park, and any women thinking of going wear a false beard for that genuine Welsh woman look that is so popular in the Cardiff area.

Once the game has concluded, you will obviously have to make your way back to your vehicle. Clearly this has many inherent dangers, not least of which is the fact that the car park you are in will now be used against you to bombard you with bricks and rubble. Speed is of the essence, so try to remember where you left your car as it may not be immediately recognisable on your return, due to some minor alterations that will have been carried out by the locals in your absence.

Finally, jump in your car, keep your head down and drive like the wind blows. Obviously, the club is only allowing supporters to travel by coach to the game, and we in no way condone City supporters making their own way to the ground etc etc blah blah blah.