Conspiracy Rains Supreme

So, over the past months my views on here have been knocked, mocked and and generally ridiculed as being far-fetched nonsense dreamt up in the land of make believe. But after the home game against Notts County surely I have a few more impending applications to join Dickie X World (£34.99 for a year's subscription. Conditions apply. Your statutory rights are not affected.).

Coming off the back of a run of seven straight wins under the Lansdown stewardship we faced what should have been a relatively comfortable home game against Notts County. The game started as we expected, with chances being created and a seemingly certain eighth straight win on it's way. But then, the unimaginable happened.... Notts County had the temerity to score a goal.

This was not in the Lansdown script. This was an easy home game against a team doing nothing of note in this division, and we were losing. With an equaliser looking unlikely the City board knew that something had to be done, and so it was then that a plan which a reliable source inside the club tells me had been in place since Lansdown's appointment was brought into effect.

In addition to the sprinkler system fitted pitchside, it is a little known fact that one of the first things Lansdown had done on taking over at Ashton Gate was to have the sprinklers rerouted around the roofs of the four stands, knowing that one day it may be necessary to have a game abandoned when it wasn't going our way.

So it was, that on Saturday November 2nd, Operation Great Flood  was brought into operation. With the game at 0-0 approaching half-time and City looking increasingly unable to convert their chances, it was decided that the sprinkler setting should be turned up from 'downpour' to 'deluge', in the hope of putting the game in doubt. This tactic back-fired badly, and in the ensuing sodden conditions Notts County scored a goal, forcing Lansdown into another decision. The word went out, "Flood" was the order, and so it was that the sprinklers were turned up to capacity in one last ditch effort to get the game called off.

The half-time whistle was blown, and during the break a team of men came onto the pitch in order to give the impression they were attempting to make the playing surface more playable. What they were actually doing was dropping small sachets of water in the goal mouths in an added attempt to saturate the turf.

The players came out for the second half, but after five minutes the referee decided to have a ten minute break to see if conditions improved. Lansdown couldn't believe his luck! An extra ten minutes with the sprinklers on full blast would surely be enough to complete Operation Great Flood. And so it was that fifteen minutes later the game was called off once and for all, and the City board could relax, safe in the knowledge that the unbeaten run was saved for another day. Of course, the fact that the match went into the second half also meant all the Far Eastern betting syndicates were able to cash in on the result.

No doubt this story will be refuted by those within the club, but they would say that, wouldn't they. They don't fool me. Oh, no.

Dickie X