Lansdown - Profit Or Doom?

Yes, my justice-seeking friends, it has finally happened. John Laycock has gone on one Caribbean cruise too many, and has returned to find a cardboard box outside his office containing his yukka plant, brass name plate and stapler. Bristol's very own, self-styled tool-hirer has been replaced as chairman by Steve Lansdown and my job, as ever, is to dig out the truth behind the spin.

So, what is behind this latest boardroom reshuffle that needs to be uncovered and twisted to suit my own distorted viewpoint? Let's take a closer look....

I suppose there will be those who will see benefits in having one of Britain's finest financial minds at the helm of our beloved club. But personally I can't fall into that category. Yes, Steve Lansdown knows finance better than anyone else within the club and at a time when football is in a financial muddle this could be seen as a positive appointment. And yes, the fact that Lansdown is putting the most money into our club at the moment could give power to an argument for him to have more say in decisions that are made with that money. But is that the sensible viewpoint? Well possibly, but it's not mine.

So, putting money in should give you a right to say how it's spent, should it? Well, let me put you straight on that one. At one time my wife had her own bank account and would spend her money as she deemed fit, usually on luxury items like clothes, shoes and the occasional Vienetta ice cream. Seeing how she was squandering money when left to her own devices, I closed her account and now pay her a modest house-keeping fee for which I require receipts for any purchases made. Unsurprisingly this has curtailed her frivolous spending and has put us, or rather me, in a much stronger financial position. Just goes to show that not everyone is cut out for holding the purse strings. Bless her, though, for having a go. Perhaps I've digressed somewhat, but I think it will help you see where I'm coming from.

Steve Lansdown is "one of the finest financial minds in Britain", is he? Well that's odd, because I know for a fact that he recently walked straight past the three-for-two offer on nappies and baby-wipes at Sainsbury's on Winterstoke Road. Three-for-two, my friends, and he didn't give it a second glance. When questioned, he claimed that he doesn't have young children and had no use for the items. How very convenient. The man in charge of our club's financial destiny is having to explain the sense in disregarding free items in a local supermarket. And some of you think he is a good appointment? God help us.

In addition I recently saw him purchasing a copy of "One Team In Bristol", the City fanzine, outside the ground. Steve handed over £1.50 and was heard to say "Keep the change" to the vendor. Keep the change!! What is this man thinking of? Thirty additional pence handed over without batting an eyelid! Is he going to be using this same irresponsible attitude towards money matters in all the financial dealings within the club?

SL: "Hello. Gary Megson?"
GM: "Yes"
SL: "How much for Tony Butler?"
GM: "£100,000"
SL: "Ok, I'll send £150,000. Keep the change."

No wonder we're in such financial difficulties with this sort of slovenly disregard for the value of money. The old proverb states "Take care of the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves" and I have conclusively proved Steve Lansdown is historically incapable of adhering to this basic financial principle. To think that some of you applauded his takeover of the chairmanship.

Well, he might fool you, but he doesn't fool me. Oh not. I hope I have cleared the rose-tinted mist from your eyes, and that you all now agree that Steve Lansdown should resign now.

Dickie X