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| The Tony Thorpe Coaster
The Incider is privileged to be able to offer you, the loyal and dedicated Bristol City fan, a truly unique opportunity to own a genuine piece of footballing history. In commemoration of the maestro’s final season with us, we are proud to present The Tony Thorpe Coaster. What more fitting tribute could we pay to the player who occupied the comfort zone more often than any other at Ashton Gate last season? This over-priced, under-sized coaster captures the essence of the man as an ever-lasting memorial to his valued contribution. Lovingly hand-crafted from only the finest excess cork tiles left over from my Uncle Clive’s recent bathroom alterations, the Thorpe Coaster is indeed a masterpiece that would look equally at home under a mug, wine glass or even a tumbler.* Twenty-goals-a-season man Thorpe has his final year’s league tally depicted by sixteen numbered footballs edging the coaster. Beautifully accented in City red, these numbers will give you a chance to cherish forever the treasured memory of each tap in, poached goal, prod, penalty or optimistically-claimed own goal this talented centre forward scored. Captured for eternity in the centre of this timeless treasure, is our hero in classic pose at the height of his game. The crowd hold their breath in anticipation as the ball flies in from the wing and Tony, flat out and at full stretch on his sun-lounger, relaxes not really very interested, his impish, lovable face extended in full yawn. Moments later, as always, he will wave his arms about, shout at team-mates and blame somebody else. This once-in-a-lifetime souvenir is so lifelike you’ll think Tony is about to jump out of the coaster into your kitchen and dive onto your floor appealing for a penalty at the slightest physical contact. What price this antique of the future? Well as owners of one of a very limited edition of 250,000 we’ve had exclusively manufactured, buying this heirloom is not an outlay, it’s an investment. Each one bears its own individual squad number on the back, hand-painted by renowned artist Beryl Fudge. The £1m price tag will be handsomely rewarded with the joy of recalling forever this fleet-footed frontman at the height of his game. Hurry and place your order now to avoid disappointment because it won’t be long before they all walk out the door in a strop. Small PrintAll coasters priced at £1,000,000. Send cash, cheques or guarantees underwritten by Directors to: Tony Thorpe Coaster Offer, Easy Street, Bristol. This item must be given away to a poorer relation for nothing after two years, having flattered to deceive on your occasional table in the interim period. If you are in any way dissatisfied with your purchase then sit tight and maybe somebody will be stupid enough to give you half of what you originally paid for it. But don’t hold your breath. I suspect your statutory rights probably are affected. Warning: Do not expect your Tony Thorpe Coaster to carry any weight. If the going gets tough, it will be safer to use a more reliable substitute. *Coming soon, the matching Tony Thorpe tumbler commemorating his acrobatic penalty dive against Brentford last season. |
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